[Forbidden Games] Beat ’em & Eat ’em

Welcome to the seventh entry of this column in which I review forbidden (and forgotten) retro games with adult contents.

A lot of the games that will be revisited here will have, as well as adult themes, some contents that may offend somebody. But please remember, we are here just to re-discover something rightfully forgotten, so don’t take it so seriously, we don’want to offend anybody. Just have fun and laugh 🙂

Today’s game is oriented to an audience who wants to get the most out of one of the most proteic human juices, Beat ’em & Eat ’em!

We already know Swedish Erotica a.k.a. Mistyque from the last entry of [Forbidden Games], Custer’s Revenge. You tought that was enough? Oh no no don’t even think about it. Before vandalizing with the same game Army, american history, women and native americans, our filthiest software house released another “game” where the main character(s) is a woman, of course naked (at Mystique they really loved to piss off women) in her task to collect…sperm…spurted by some masturbating men standing on a rooftop…and they’re naked too…

Anyway, this game looks like an adult (and dumb) version of Kaboom!, released in 1981 by Actoivision for the Atari 2600. The game was a smash hit and it stands just outside the top-10 list pof the higest gropssing titles for the console, having topped 1 million of copies sold. It has been easy for Mystique to ride the wave of the success even though I double all the people who had bought Kabboom! bought Beat ’em & Eat ’em as well…

Why is forgotten?

We all know that Atari was never able to top the success of the 2600 so a lot of the games designed for this platform never had sequels o reboots to revitalize them. Plus this is a game that FOR SURE doesn’t deserve a sequel. And we also have to consider that the company which developed it, Mystique, fell into the oblivion in the storm of the video game crash, even though probably it would have disappeared anyway…

Why is forbidden?

We have to consider that this is considered one of the first “porn-game” and porn in the early 80s was still, if not a taboo, something looked suspiciously. But a thing was looking at porn actresses enjoying the pleasure of men juice, another thing was seeing this in a mass product, oriented to families and kids. In a sort of compensation to the charges of sexism, years later the game was redistributed in another form with traded places: now the women stand on the top of the roof and they squeeze their breasts bestowing their vital milk to hypersexualized man who run naked on the street sporting an horsey erection from their slim but overdimensioned phalluses (wow, too many prisitine words here).

Not that this women-oriented move avoided the censorship, even because the naked ladies on top of the screen were still naked in an obscene pose.

Why is fun?

If you loved Kaboom! the answer is rather easy. You could love both, even though Beat ’em & Eat ’em can become boring quickly. It could be fun also for the lovers of old style porn, even though as far as I know out there theres’ no porn movies with men masturbating on the top of a building with a swarm of girls running naked below…

How can I play it?

As every other Mystique cartirdges, even Beat ’em & Eat ’em is quite rare and therefore overpriced. In US you can find a good copy for no less than 60-70$, while in Europe is virtually impossible to find unless you do not import it from the States paying a fortune in taxes. Since I hope nobody could be so fool to do such things (unless you aren’t an hardcore collector and in this case you have all my esteem) the only viable way is the emulation.

Even because, let’s be frank, after a few minutes the gameplay become quickly boring and even the trivial aspect hides behind the nonsense of the game.

Something similar but a bit less crappy???

Even this time, I present three alternatives, somehow tied with this pseudo-game. Suggesting the other Mystique titles would be too easy so you won’t find them:

  • Kaboom! is the more logical choice, since it’s the matrix on which Beat ’em & Eat ’em is developed. Released by Activision in 1981 was a huge success back then and one of the most successful Activision games on the 2600.
  • Toki, one of the best Mega Drive/Genesis platformers. You may ask why this game. Well, I don’t want to be offensive, but those women runing naked with overdimensioned heads and ever opened mouths look like Toki…
  • Missile Command, always for Aari 2600. Beacuse if we really have to catch something falling from the sky, missiles are better than sperm…

And finally, if you need other games related to this which are crappy and adult oriented like Beat ’em & Eat ’em, stick around, more games will be covered soon!

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. thedeviot says:

    Man, the Mystique/Playaround stuff will never be forgotten. They frequently go for high prices due to their notoriety. Like most other Mystique titles, there was an alternate version called Philly Flasher. It’s the same game only instead of a guy masturbating off of the roof, and women catching his… um…. stuff, it’s a woman milking herself, and two guys catching her…. well…… breastmilk. The 2600 porn rabbit hole is a deep one. Don’t read too much into that. Anyway, another great article about these weird, off-putting titles!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have not played this game. I can see why it was described as becoming boring after playing for some time, it does look like a game focussed on using a controversial design, but with less effort spent on developing the gameplay. The concept does seem very strange, like the developers just wanted to make a more mature version of a game where things drop from the sky and have to be collected by the player. I am not sure reversing the roles makes the game less sexist though.
    How does the player play the game? Do they control the women and have to position them under the man? Was it actually marketed for kids?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. benez256 says:

      I don’t even know if this game was actually marketed! 😄 it is so dumb that probably it was impossible to create an ad for it 😁


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